A man identified as Ivan Fedorovitch Yanukovych has been arrested by Houston Police. He has been charged for a crime bordering on cannibalism.

The man is believed to be directly involved in the mysterious disappearance of not less than 31 persons in the past ten years. He is charged for his involvement in killing and eating 23 Pizza Delivery Agents, 6 Jehovah’s Witnesses and some postmen.


Ivan Fedorovitch is a 56 years old man who lives with his mother, Anastasia Yanukovych who is 93 years old. A section of the apartment he lives with his mother has also been rented out to a student. He is said to be completely blending with the people of the community. And as a result of his jovial and social life with the people, he left no footprint of any suspicion that he is cannibalistic. He is said to have been involving in cannibalism for over ten years without being caught.


Having run out of his luck, the police arrives the scene of the incident and caught Ivan Fedorovitch red handed in the act. He was seen in his garage butchering a dead body. According to the police report, he was preparing a fat quantity of grounded meat from human parts. He mixed it with aromatic blend of spices. While being caught red handed, he admitted killing unsuspecting pizza delivery men from local restaurants, preying on several postmen and taking the lives of a number of Jehovah’s Witnesses who might have called at his door to share gospel with him.


One of his neighbours, named Chief Jeff Buchanan told the news reporters that, Mr Ivan Fedorovitch would always invite his neighbours to come and watch football in his house. And upon hosting his neighbours, he would served them with a large portion of barbecues. He said that no one has ever suspected that Ivan Fedorovitch was a mass murderer. This was because he is always so friendly with everybody. Another neighbour submitted that, Ivan Fedorovitch was in charge of organising their yearly spaghetti dinner fundraising in the community for the past five years. And said he is bewildered over the fact that such an important person in the community could be involved in such heinous acts.


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